I wish I was like water.
If only I could slip through people’s fingers as I stay strong enough
to carry a ship,
shaking, and rocking, and teetering
but for the most part
I wish I didn’t always have to drown.
To have the blue overpower
and grip my body in its clutches,
me in a way in which I cannot find up.
To feel the slice as its icy
plants its DNA on my soul.
A wound that never heals.
Because who can change fingerprints? The way they swirl and stay the same. Always the same.
I wish that it wasn’t such a comfort.
So many people look to me to be strong, and to fight, but I’m just surviving.
I’m weak, waiting for the defeat,
shoot me with your invisible arrows, spread the sweet poison of your presence throughout my veins
so that I may hide my anger and my shame and perhaps become part of your world. I would come with you if not only just to enter a dreamworld of hidden truth.
But the sadness on your lips
catches my heart
and you cannot choose your destiny. All you can do is walk towards it with dignity.
And yet with this knowledge I do nothing. Because I am nothing but visions of heavenly vengeance and dreams. I am nothing but a dream capable of dreaming.
So let’s evolve matter
and be the water that slips.
People enter, and then, in one fleeting moment, they are gone. Left forever, never to return. But they leave a mark, and imprint on your soul, in your heart. They leave the joys and warmth of summer, and the splashes of the cold river, the sound of a breeze in the leaves, the smell of the path you once walked. Their face, eyes dancing with laughter, smile glowing bright in your minds eyes. You see in your mind the beauty, the wonder, as love courses through your veins. Love, so powerful and strong, that you doubt it will ever seep away. Despite all the sadness and pain and unspeakable tragedies, that love lives on. Never would you leave me, never would the pain last if that love was there to counteract.
But then I saw you. I saw you lying in a pool of your own blood. A ghost of a smile still etched upon your face, your eyes shining still with the relief of leaving this world. The love in your veins was never enough to keep you here with me, not enough to pull you out of the dark and into the light. You could never see the beauty within you, could never see yourself through the eyes of the world. For if you had, you would have seen how perfect you were. And how much love I felt towards you. And I would never have had to hold you, in your dying moments, as your blood stained your wrists forever red. And my gaze would never have fallen on that one word glowing crimson on your skin. Unlovable. People enter, and then, in one fleeting moment, they are gone, lost forever, never to return.
And I want it yo be with you; I want to spend my life with only you.